Because He Loves Me

As most of you all know, this has been a hard week for our family. We lost the referral for the sweet 6 month old little boy that we'd been staring at and praying for the past month. I've been struggling at times to keep my head up and keep my eyes focused on Christ. I've had several sweet friends who have let me pour out all my emotions on them and have listened and gently pointed me back to the truth that never changes- the gospel.

After a particularly emotional afternoon yesterday my sweet husband sent me to Starbucks with my bible, journal, and Elyse Fitzpatrick's "Because He Loves Me." And I am oh so glad he did. I really needed that time alone with the Lord, in his word to refocus my mind on the cross. Christ met me in his word and the words of Fitzpatrick's book in so many places. I am so thankful for God's sovereignty in having me reading THIS book right now with my ladie's bible study group. I have been so convicted and encouraged by her writing. On page 98 she says, "God is offended if we refuse to believe that He is merciful and loving enough to give us good gifts, in spite of ourselves." IN SPITE OF MYSELF! God gives good gifts to me in spite of my sin, my past, my rebellion, my pride, my self-reliance! A-mazing! I have been feeling so sorry for myself, feeling like we are trying to do a good thing here & rescue orphans, which God loves, so I feel like I should be "entitled" to an easy process. HA. I have forgotten who I AM and what I truly deserve. God's grace in forgiving me is completely UNdeserved! I deserve hell. "BUT GOD, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were DEAD in our trespasses and sins, made us ALIVE together with Christ! By grace you have been saved!"  (Ephesians 2:4-5) It wasn't EASY for God to rescue and adopt me. He had to send His only Son down to earth in the image of man and die a gruesome criminal's death on a Roman cross to pay the debt my sins deserve, so that I can be forgiven, holy, righteous, wiped clean and adopted into His family forever.

Here's the probing question that really struck the deepest parts of my heart: "Will you transfer all your trust to Him and believe that the One who did not withhold his only Son from you [believers] will also freely give you all good things?" (pg. 105).
That is basically what God is asking me right now, in the middle of this loss. Thank you Elyse Fitzpatrick. Thank you! So my response is this: YES LORD! I trust you and believe that you will not withhold any good gift from me. Help me to cling to your promises and trust that Your plans are better than mine will ever be! You can see the big picture, even when I can only see my next step. Please give me grace to endure whatever lies ahead in this process to rescue orphans. I know they are precious in your sight and made in Your image. Give me endurance and perseverance to fight for them! Help me keep my eyes focused on you & waiting expectantly for you to answer prayer!
"Open your mouth for the mute,
   for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
   defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Proverbs 31:8-9