Then we lost her. Her short little life ended on August 19th at around 9 months old. (Just 4 days before her care package arrived at her orphange, hand-delivered by our adoption agency.)
And today (and a lot of days) I just miss her. I wish she and baby R were home with us right now. I trust that God will give us a referral for another little girl very soon, but I will always be saddened by the fact that I never got to physically be her mommy on this side of heaven. That she died an orphan. I'm so thankful she had someone praying for her by name for months, but I so wish we could have loved on her like crazy. Hugged her. Kissed her. Snuggled her. Fed her. Told her about Jesus. Styled her head full of hair. She was a beautiful little girl made in the image of her Creator, my Creator, my God, my Redeemer. And although our adoption was not yet official on paper- in our hearts, she was, and will forever be, our daughter.
When I think of her I long for Heaven, where I hope I will able to hold her in my arms and love her and be her mommy for eternity.
Jonah, our almost 2 year old, saw her picture on the fridge just the other day and pointed and said, "baby sister."
"Yes, that's right buddy," I replied misty-eyed.
We miss you Leseli Joyce, our Audrey Joy, and we look forward to meeting you face to face one day in heaven, where I hope to spend eternity showing you the love that Christ my Savior has shown me. The love I longed to give you on this side of heaven. I pray that all of our children will see their sin and repent and believe in Jesus Christ alone for their salvation so that we can spend eternity with you as a family, in the presence of the Lord.
But I trust and take comfort in knowing that you were just a baby, and you are now in the presence of the Father of the fatherless, the King of Kings, the Creator of the universe, my Redeemer, who himself IS love.